Love, Love, Love -- Jennie

Two and a half weeks after surgery, I am now on page 85 of Stephanie Meyer’s Twilight. I am reading as a literary-ologist, trying to answer the 1.3 million-copies-sold-the-first-day question: What makes it so good?

Not that I’m any published author (yet), but Meyer does everything we writers are forbidden. The first sin is that the book’s too long: 500 pages crippled with minute and distracting plot “details” that read more like a list of uneventful daily activities than a novel.

In addition, the only variation in sentence beginnings is between “I” and “When.” The sentences are also the same length; there is no rhythm or flow. Verbs are overused: “flashed,” “flickered,” “looked;” the book is plagued with adverbs; and—believe it—there’s tons of “I felt…”

“I felt!!!”

Here’s a passage from page 33, an example of some of the above:

“When I got home, I unloaded all the groceries, stuffing them in wherever I could find an open space. I hoped Charlie wouldn’t mind. I wrapped potatoes in foil and stuck them in the oven to bake, covered a steak in marinade and balanced it on top of a carton of eggs in the fridge.”

Is this a culinary diary, or a book about vampires?

I know. I’m snarky. Meyer is probably sending her bodyguards after me right now.

But, Stephanie, wait.

First, I’m claiming the Vicodin-exclusionary clause. Next, let me say congratulations. You somehow (marketing?) tapped into a commercial, crossover market, and totally deserve your ga-zillions.

And I know how you did it.

With love.

Julie’s newest blog chronicles her obsession with The X Files not because of its quirky sci-fi plot, but because of the compelling love story between Scully and Mulder. The love story!

Love is big! It’s huge! Even my sixteen year-old brother, who read my YA manuscript, claimed that his favorite part was not the sports, or the boy’s conflict, or the guy stuff, but the love story!

Ah hah!

The secret to YA book success is revealed. And, my friends, I am sharing it with you. It’s love: pure and simple, forbidden or unrequited, lost or found. Love.

Now about the vampires standing in my doorway…

Sink Your Teeth Into Pete -- Jennie

There are swarms of vampires in the Young Adult section of Barnes and Noble: good vampires, bad vampires, prophetic vampires, romantic ones.

Who knew that bloodsucking would become so literarily lucrative?

Among the bats are dragons, too, mostly about existing as the last living fire-breathers. The covers are shiny and scaly, with shadows inside the dragon’s eyes or eggs.

And then there is the smut – the best-selling chronicles of cliquey/mean/rich teens who (and I’m sorry to even have to write it here) have sex in airplane restrooms.

These are the options our young readers have when browsing the bookshelves. No wonder they say, “There’s nothing I want to read.”

Frankly, there’s not much I want my kids to read.

But there is Pete Hautman.

Raise the roof, readers and parents! Pete Hautman can write! His novels are diverse and well-crafted, with – get this – no airplane sex. Hautman won the National Book Award for Godless, a thin tome about a middle-American group of teens who create their own religion. It has all the elements of a sophisticated novel: originality, irony, and multi-dimensional characters. Hautman urges his readers to think.

Remember when all books did that?

Another Hautman fave is Rash, a futuristic and extreme look at America’s safety-obsession. The thriller is scary and sad and often hilarious. And again, it is very thought-provoking.

Of course, Hautman did drum up one story about a vampire: Sweet-blood. But it has, of course, a spin. You can see for yourself what it is.

Mr. Hautman has been spitting out a book every year or two for what he calls on his “Ugly-But-Informative” website a “long” time.

Check him out at petehautman.com.

There are even tips for writers. I’m lacing up my running shoes to try the second part of Number Eight right now.